When your whole year feels like Lent.

Yesterday, the time came to fast and make a lenten promise of penance to "give up" something (and, as our Bishop encourages, to "do" something good). I had to say, this year I struggled with what to "give up" and "do" for Lent.

I know this sounds selfish, but I am resentful of the fact that I have to give up or do anything at all. Not because I don't get the spirit of Lent, or the reasonings behind Lent. I truly do.

But I honestly feel like I have spent the last year "giving up" and "doing". I feel like every month this year, I have had to give up more (becuase of finances) and goodness knows, I'm not short of "doing" this year either.

I haven't bought any new clothes or shoes unless absolutely necessary. I have not even really gone out or did anything spectacular, and when I did, it was a fairly cheap evening, mindful that I am not a bank of unlimited wealth. When I did buy my self something extravagant, like my WII, I used gift cards. I have managed to pay off my debts while accumulating some savings.

In the meantime, I practically live at my church, with serving as Sacristan, Lector, RCIA Team Member and on the executive of the CWL. I have volunteered for anything related to charity through my church as well.

That is on top of the blood, sweat and tears and time wasted at work, which this year in particular sucked my sould right out of me. I went from a support team of 3 to just me.

All of this comes at a great expense, and I don't normally complain because..we...I don't. I mean, I kvetch a bit, but I don't sit there and go woe is me.

For basically the last year, my life is LENT IN ACTION. It's every single month, not just 40 days. So the idea of having to give up or do one more thing just grates on me. Why can't I for once give nothing up and be a taker?

So thus, I give up my ONE VICE of caffiene. And I take what little time I have to do one more thing. I feel like I am facing a big spirtual test as my spirit wanes under the massive pressure of constantly doing and giving up.

I surely hope that the payoff of giving up caffiene and meeting seniors pays off at the end of the 40 days. I know that is not how I *should* look at this whole process of Lent. But then again, how many others live a lenten life all year long?

Creative dry spells and random ramblings.

Have you ever just sat there and could not think of anything to write about, despite having a list of awesome ideas in the back of your head? Or you have this awesome idea, but cannot articulate yourself for the life of you?

That is me right now. If you only knew all of the awesome things floating in ye olde noggin right now...but I just don't have the energy/stamina/thought process to take the idea and expand it beyond a few sentences.

I could write about my idea half-assed. Or I could just save them until later. Which I will do because nothing is worse than a great idea posted blandly. But here are some random stuff anyways just to tantilize my fellow 4 readers with the possibility of something exciting down the pipe.

1) *inside joke moment that only two other's will get* : I think that Pantless Jones and Shirtless Jones needs to have a long lost African-American cousin/brother(played by that hot guy that is dating the chick from The View). He can be "Wet T-Shirt Jones". Junior...this is a huge plot twist idea that you could totally work into the story. Maybe he is the "mysterious man"....

2) The Biggest Loser is having their finale this week. I will blog more about this later (as I have so many things to say since my last post, and I am already sad about the idea of a few months without Bob Harper)....but needless to say, I am stoked. I so want either Tara or Mike to win. It is on Tuesday and I can't wait to see all the transformations.

3) Speaking of weightloss, I have a bet with my friend on who can loose the most weight in a 10 week period. Since there is cash on the line, I have to get my ass in gear and get serious now!!!

4) I'm becoming a Lector at my church. I am very excited as they are coming out with the new readings at the end of Pentecost. I hope I sound as good as I think I do. LOL.

5) Speakin of church....ashamed to admit this...but a certain Deacon's son is very hot. Like smoking hot. I'm going to hell for impure thoughts about the Deacon's son. LOLZ.

6) I need a new bra. But why do bra's for big chested woman come in the form of a military issued underwire? They can poke eyes out!\

7) So far, my book tally is nilch. But I still love being Canadian and I want to post more about this soon!

Cheers all!

Catch Up Post #2- Catholic Sunday: Tears.

As a general rule, I tend to keep my emotions in check. So when the tears do flow, it's always at the most unexpected moments that catch me completely off guard. I mean, I didn't cry at my grandpa's funeral, but I sobbed uncontrollably when Megan died on One Life to Live (a soap opera). I broke my leg and no tears, but I cried hysterically at the Luxor in Las Vegas when I found out that my cat died at home.

So imagine my surprise when I almost burst into tears not once, not twice, not three times....but FOUR times at church yesterday. Having to deal with the topic of forgiveness was harder then I expected. But the realization was that by not forgiving the two men in my life who could have destroyed me, I was continuing letting them destroy me.

Now here it is on Monday...and I still want to cry (beause work sucks, but that's a whole different post). It's like a resevoir has been unleashed inside of me.

I have nothing profound to say...just saying that I'm a bit tearful lately. So if I randomly burst into tears at awkward moments, then you all know why. It's those damn ducks I tell ya...you never have them around when you need them the most.

Catholic Sunday's: I'm becoming a Catholic, not a Saint.

Every once in a while, I wake up and I don't want to go to church. I don't want to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I don't want to learn this great moral lesson taught by Jesus to the sinners. I don't want to hear yet another letter of Paul (to the Corintians, Ephesians, his mom).

All I want to do is sleep in, watch tv, read a book and be left alone (see Saturday's blog).

This morning was that day. I of course had to go becuase of my RCIA class and it was the second scrutiny. But I dragged my ass, barely paid attention to the service, blanked out during the homily. Ask me what was said and I got nothing. I think something about Sight? I dunno. All I know is that I was there in body, but my spirit was sitting on the couch, eating Roasted Marshmallow Ice cream watching Nascar.

So it's only appropriate then that today's lesson was about the Saints. The people who were so awesome and devoted on earth that they get the red phone line to God. The rest of us have to dial 1-800-CALL-GOD & listen to the operator.

Sample Phone call: The person you are trying to reach is currently occupied. Please listen to the following choices:
*To confess your sins, press 1
*To give a plenary indulgence, press 2
*To listen to the rosary, press 3
*To offer an intention for your dead cat in purgatory, press 4
Otherwise hold the line and your call will be redirected to a Saint, or answered by an wrathful Angel.

As I was semi-listening to the lecture on the saints, wishing I was at home it occured to me:

I am becoming a Catholic. Not a Saint.

I'm not perfect. So I will occasionally take the Lord's name in vain. I will not always honour my mom or neighbours. Sometimes, both will just piss me off. Someday's I won't want to go to church and other days where I my as well not have gone for the amount of time I paid attention while I was there. I'm going to have bad days and not turn to God/Jesus for help. Heck, I'll have days where I question them all together.

I am a work in progress, and my journey is much the same. I can't be the perfect Catholic or person. I will work on it. But when anyone says "but you are a Catholic", I will always be able to reply "but I'm not a Saint".

Catholic Sunday: When I go to heaven, I better be skinny.

*Dani's Note: Since Sunday is the Lord's Day, it's only appropriate that I have a weekly Catholic post to reflect on my faith. Here after, I will have a weekly Catholic Sunday post, but I promise to be funny or reflective and not preachy*

For those who don't know, I am four weeks away from becoming a Catholic. Now as shocking as this is for some people to fathom, for me it's the best choice I have ever made. Now there are some things I wish would change (read: clear acceptance of homosexuals, as they are). But all in all, I am happy as a clam and I accept fully in my heart the teachings of the Catholic Church. And as I am reminded, in the fullness of time, things will be understood, which I presume applies to both sides.

Today however, I was faced with something I'm not all together sure I am prepared to accept. I will gladly accept that our life on earth is but a short time, and that the rest of eternity will be in heaven. And I will gladly accept that I must make the most of my time on earth by living a moral life. And I will accept that after we die, our body will join our soul in the heaven.

However. There is one thing I won't accept. I will not accept that when I go to heaven, I will not be an awesome skinnier version of myself. Call me shallow, but I better be a svelte looking soul, because if I get up there and I have to put on a plus sized robe, then all bets are off. And if heaven is anything like earth, I will probably have to drag my ass to the four stores open in heaven that cater to the plus sized girl. And the choice of white heavenly robe will probably be ugly and have an extra panel that does nothing for me.

Or I could just lose weight while I'm on earth and thus, go in with a truly great body. After all, my body is my temple.

*And you thought Catholics couldn't be shallow. I proved you wrong. I tread in the shallow waters with the best of them*