11 February 2015

Catching up on stuff: A post on strength & fragility.

Hello faithful readers of five,

I know. I haven't written anything here for a while. I've had a thousand great thoughts in my head, but no will to actually articulate anything. I'll do better.

The last few months have been particularly difficult - more so for the people around me than myself particularly.  But it has been draining, this thing called worry. It has been challenging, this thing called stress. It has been a test in fortitude, this thing called emotions. It has been an experience, this thing called helplessness.

To recap:

  • On December 12th, my best friend's mom died. A woman I have known and loved for over half my life is gone. My sadness pales in comparison to Jo's, but it's still a devastating loss. Not only is a loss in the sense that your friend's parents are yours too, but it's a reminder of the fragility of your own parents. 
  • Speaking of Jo, her son (and my godson) was admitted to the Stollery Children's hospital twice. He's slowly getting better. But it's scary because they are so vulnerable. Oh, and Joanne was sick with bronchitis.  I feel helpless in that I want to be there for her, but there is so little I can do. 
  • Closer to home, my husband was sicker than a dog with some sort of viral infection. This after I came off my own bout of the flu.
  • My own health issues. I swear, I turned 35 a few years back and it's been downhill health wise since. A reminder that I need to nurture my body. Because the way you treat your body will catch up to you. 
  • In my immediate family, someone is facing a mental health battle with depression and suicidal thoughts/attempts. He was hospitalized in the mental health and we thought he was getting better. He seemed fine. Now he's back there.
  • An online acquaintance lost her son to suicide.
  • Not being anymore closer to having a baby than I was that year. The fertility care system in Alberta is less than adequate. (Although there is a ray of hope coming up. Maybe).
  • Dealing with a spiritual/faith drought. It happens to me more frequently than I care to admit.
  • The general flipping world right now.
  • All while dealing with the general stresses of every day life. 
So much worry, stress, emotion and helplessness in a short period of time. Sigh. 

The quest for 2015 will be trying to find a way to find strength in the things that bring me down. How to rise above and be the person needed for those who suffer. How to deal with my own fragility. How to keep optimistic when it seems like there is not much to be optimistic about. 

I will return to one goal though: blog more. Having an outlet is a good thing. Maybe. LOL.