24 January 2010

In a blink of a moment.

In a blink of a moment, your life can be turned upside down.
In a blink of moment, those that you hold most precious can be taken away.
In a blink of moment, the thing you though you could count on could fall apart.

My friend Theresa's mother, Pauline, was in a serious car accident today. Her very life is in danger at the worst. At the best, she might be paralyzed for life and have serious brain injury.

It's a constant reminder that we need to examine our lives. Do we live the best life we could have lived? Or did we hold ourselves back? Did we love like we should have? Or did we hate more than enough times.

I know one thing for sure. When the life of someone vibrant could be changed so drastically in a heartbeat, we need to start making sure that every heartbeat that we live is a life worth living.

Men are from Mars and Woman from a quaint English Cottage.

I was talking to my friend the other day and we came were talking about our favourite kind of subject: British Gentlemen and Jane Austen era manners. I swear it's like soft porn the way we gush...but anyways...

In our discussion, I pointed out how I wish that men were still gentlemen from that era. You know, opening doors, being chivalrous, providing for us with their good fortune. I know it's against everything I should want. But the reality is, that deep down inside, I want to be swept away and cherished.

Now I realize my though process is very nieve and am about to over generalize. However, that line of discussion lead to another thread that men now a days really only want sex and someone to do their chores. And the closest/easiest thing that will get them to point b is to do the bare minimum required.

Women on the other hand internalize things differently. Their wants are quite a bit different. Where men might be turned on by a hot chick, I'm turned on by an Enlish Countryside. Where men eventually want sex in a new relationship, I want a guy to open the door for me and court me.

Men, if you think that super hot barbie with the big hooters isn't being a sex kitten because she sees what you drive and sees where you live, then you are fooling yourself. There is a REASON why the guy taking a bus to his full time job at McD's is not dating a hot blonde with a killer body. When all things are equal in the looks department, women will instinctively gather around the percieved provider. I wish this were not true.

To quote Jane Austen: "it is universally known that a man with a good fortune must be want of a wife". But what is not said explicitely that a man of good fortune will most readily attract a wife.

The dream package of course is the provide who has all those manners, etiquette and courtship. But in today's society, I will gladly choose the gentlemen with the English cottage over the fly by night Johnny on the dole.

The bottom line is this: In relationships, men and women will want different things. And we will do anything that will get us to the end goal.

But I should add that if you find the perfect guy who has all the characteristics of what you want from a relationship standpoint, then it is a lot easier to gloss over the deficiencies.

22 January 2010

Dating Out of Type- is it right to be judged for being judgmental?

So just as an update, I've decided to spend the next week talking about the complexities of the dating world. If you didn't get a chance, go post a reply. Yesterday, I wrote about the theme of missed opportunities and good intentions. Today I wanted to discuss the pitfalls of dating out of time.

We all do it. We all do that awful thing of going out with someone we have ZERO attraction or we know we have ZERO compatibility with. And we almost certainly regret it in the worst fashion. The question remains as to why do we torture our selves this way?

I have a friend, who I will call Angela. Angela has admitted that in her desperate days, she dated a ginger haired fellow who had stubby legs and no ankles who was slightly chubby and on hard times. Of course it was awful and akward for her to be with someone she had ZERO attraction.

Myself, I date a guy of a different race and religion who I was madly attracted to but we had ZERO compatability. The sex was hot, I won't lie. But the relationship was doomed to fail because we didn't connect on another level.

I think the problem lies in that we are afraid of being judged for being judgemental. Like in Angela's case, it wasn't a matter of just saying not. It was "i shouldn't say no because he is..." as if what he is was some kind of disease. It wasn't. It's just he wasn't Angela's cup of tea.

Or for myself, I did not want to be labelled a racist because he was an Arab Muslim. Many people are ok with those fundamental differences. I discovered that I was not.

I think what we have to do is stop feeling guilty for the choices we make and the people we like. No one thinks less of the rich CEO with the 20 years younger wife, or the hockey player with the blonde plastic barbie dolls. So why then should we feel that we need to gain anyones acceptance over our tastes?

I propose that we go forward and just be honest with who we are...and what we like.

21 January 2010

Missed Opportunities and Good Intentions.

I had an opportunity to reconnect with an old friend...who may have had some "benefits" to go along with our friendship. And while our relationship was what it was, and it's clear where this person wants to go with our current situation, the feeling of a missed opportunity hit me hard. Not once when I knew him did I ever think he wanted anything beyond what we had. Not for the lack of want on my part, but because of the lack of want on his.

So while we were chatting last night, and it was great, he said something that gave me pause to think. We were having one of those "we should have done more while we were together" type of chats, and he said something that shocked me. He said that he tried on his part. And earlier he had said to one of my flippant comments about the nature of our relationship "is that only what you thought it was, a purely sexual relationship?".

I don't know why I was as floored as I was, but now I'm sitting here wondering if I truly missed a good opportunity because I failed to recognize the good intentions. If only I had been more mature to a) respond to his intentions and b) clearly state my own instead of just playing things off as nothing.

But the problem with reflecting on good intentions and missed opportunities is that it's something that can only be looked back on. And if I have learned anything in life, is that the passing of time has a tendency to make things better than it was and my memories fonder than what they were. I can look back and say "oh, I should have done such and such or so and so".

But the reality of our situation is that we were young, we were in a different spot, our maturity levels were not that high, and we are stating how we feel about something now and applying it to an event in the past as if that was what we felt then.

So to all those who struggle with missed opportunities and failed intentions, just remember that the decision you made was the best at the time and the only way to move is forward.

You never know what life will toss you and your experience in life can only be built on these type of foundations.

As for me and my friend, who knows where life will take us. I won't lie and pretend I'm not interested but as the French say... C'est la vie.