30 December 2011

2011: Meh.

Hello faithful readers (all four of you).  It's been a while. In fact, I'm quite embaressed that I have blogged a whopping total of one time this year. But that's neither here nor there. I'm back now. It's all part of the rediscover-what-I-love-to-do journey I've been on lately.

This last year has been, shall we say, interesting.  I've had the best, and worst, moments of my life bundled up into 365 days. My mood has been all over the map this year. The best I can some up 2011 is: meh.

The highs? The love of my life, Mr. M, proposed to me in Las Vegas on my birthday! We went for a week, staying at the beautiful Mandalay Bay with a strip view. After a day of pampering, including a spa treatment and a trip to the beauty salon, we went to The Mix at the top of the Mandalay Bay. After a glorious, and expensive, dinner, he popped the question. This day will forever be one of the best moments of my life. The love I have for Mr. M overwhelms me everyday of my life. He's truly my soulmate and my best friend.

The lows? Where to begin. Oh where to begin. Do we start with the diagnosis of sarcoidosis? Shall I begin by mentioning the debilitating pain I went through for three months? And the endless tests I had to (and still have to) endure? The disease I will carry for the rest of my life, even if it stays in remission?

Or should we declare the death of my beautiful friend Wendy as the lowest of lows? I miss her beautiful smile, her wise words, our shared laughter, our shared cattiness, and our eskimo kisses. There is not a day that goes by where I don't think of Wendy. Where I don't miss her to the depths of my heart.

Perhaps, more painfully, is the changing nature of friendships that has been the hardest to deal with. The loss of a friend due to a sudden death is a tragedy. The loss of a friend, through a misunderstanding, or a change in circumstances, or through some preventable or unpreventable action is devastating.  When changes like this occur, you question yoursellf. You question what you thought was true. You question what you thought was reliable. You question what you thought was constant. Did you do enough? Did you do too much? Did it matter in the end? Or was it inevitable? 

Sometimes though, the pain about a friendship can occur while you are still friends with that person. You are still friends, sure. But it's not the same. Things have changed, good or bad, and so has the friendship, sometimes catching you blindsided.

When December 31, 2011 at 11:59:59 comes, I will not mourn what was 2011. It was a meh year to be sure. But 2012 holds out so much hope. Come this time next year, I will be a wife, and trying to concieve a baby (if not already pregnant). I have so much to look forward to that, as painful as the last year was, the hope of the future outshines any sadness I carry with me.

Happy New Years my faithful readers (of four)!


Rebecca on The Homefront said...

I've had trouble keeping up with blogging this year, too. It's definitely been a "meh" year. It's good to see you back, with so much hope and expectation going into the new year! I can't wait to hear all about it. :)

Joanna said...

I echo Rebecca's statement -- it's been a slow blog-year for me, too..... but I'm thrilled to read your posts again! I know you enjoy writing so much, so you should keep doing it as much as you can. Win-win!

Even though I'd only met Wendy the one time, her death has affected me, too -- life really is so precious and fragile, and we're all guilty of taking it (and those we love) for granted.

Speaking of which, I hope I can be a better friend to you this year! I'm so excited for your wedding, and I want it to be totally stress-free (haha) for you. I've been looking into centerpieces, and will touch base with you soon on this. :)

KarenC said...

2012 is going to rock !!

I definitely want it to include more visits with you (either in E or C).