I had an opportunity to reconnect with an old friend...who may have had some "benefits" to go along with our friendship. And while our relationship was what it was, and it's clear where this person wants to go with our current situation, the feeling of a missed opportunity hit me hard. Not once when I knew him did I ever think he wanted anything beyond what we had. Not for the lack of want on my part, but because of the lack of want on his.
So while we were chatting last night, and it was great, he said something that gave me pause to think. We were having one of those "we should have done more while we were together" type of chats, and he said something that shocked me. He said that he tried on his part. And earlier he had said to one of my flippant comments about the nature of our relationship "is that only what you thought it was, a purely sexual relationship?".
I don't know why I was as floored as I was, but now I'm sitting here wondering if I truly missed a good opportunity because I failed to recognize the good intentions. If only I had been more mature to a) respond to his intentions and b) clearly state my own instead of just playing things off as nothing.
But the problem with reflecting on good intentions and missed opportunities is that it's something that can only be looked back on. And if I have learned anything in life, is that the passing of time has a tendency to make things better than it was and my memories fonder than what they were. I can look back and say "oh, I should have done such and such or so and so".
But the reality of our situation is that we were young, we were in a different spot, our maturity levels were not that high, and we are stating how we feel about something now and applying it to an event in the past as if that was what we felt then.
So to all those who struggle with missed opportunities and failed intentions, just remember that the decision you made was the best at the time and the only way to move is forward.
You never know what life will toss you and your experience in life can only be built on these type of foundations.
As for me and my friend, who knows where life will take us. I won't lie and pretend I'm not interested but as the French say... C'est la vie.
5 comments:
If this is who I think it is... I was hearing the stories about him at the time, and I didn't doubt for a second that your perception of the relationship was right. It could be that his casting a different light on it now is wishful thinking, and/or even a little guilt on his part. I'm as shocked as you are that he thought it was anything other than immature goofing around... especially considering certain other people... who may or may not have been directly affected by the relationship... if I'm thinking of the right person...?
Yes Reese..that is exactly who you are thinking of...
Although I have literally bitten off a fingernail due to the nerves of wanting to know who this person is, I will not ask because it's none of my beeswax. I will quote the hottest man to ever have movie sex with Diane Lane and then movie die because of it:
"There are no mistakes. There are things you do and don't do."
Junebabe, i love the quote. It so fits.
And I posted on your page in the chat box the inside dish.
If this is the person I think it is...... then I agree that the relationship just wasn't right for either of you BACK THEN.
He was a typical pubie-punk (read: immature) who was still just looking for a good time.
My bet is that, now that he's matured and is reflecting back on his life, he realizes what he had and it kills him that he can't go back and do things over again the right way.
*Sigh*
Why is youth wasted on the young? Why couldn't we have all had this level of thoughtfulness way back then?
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