Note to Fat Self: Buh-bye.

Holy crap I am tired of being fat. Plain and simple. And no, I am not just "big-boned" for all you nay-sayers (I'm dinosaur boned if you really want the honest truth). While I appreciate the comments of "you are beautiful just the way you are" and all that drivel, the reality is that I feel disgusting in my skin. This is not just about "being" fat, it's about "feeling" fat.

You can be fat and be completely fine with it. There are a number of fat acceptance societies out there and kudos to them. But for me, I have moved from the stage of being fat and feeling somewhat o.k. with it to feeling fat. To feeling the extra skin on me. To feeling the effect of huffing and puffing up the stairs. To feeling winded running 1/2 a block to the bus stop. To feeling the table at the restaurant with my body because there is not enough space between the chair and the table (although it is of note that my skinny friends have plenty of space, so we can't blame the restaurant, can we?).

Now that I have reached that critical point that I think one needs to reach to get serious about it, I am now taking steps to go from this:



to this:

This is not about a journey, because the measure of the journey can only be measured at the end. This is not about me "getting serious" because trust me, I have been nothing but serious this entire time. I have been either serious about losing weight or serious about gaining weight.


This is about me rethinking the way I view exercise and food.

I can either view food as a pleasure to satisfy my wants and needs

or

I can view food that is a source of fuel for my body, and if I happen to have moments of pleasure, then score!

I can view exercise as this burden that I must participate in to get better/healthier/stronger

or

I can view exercise as this opportunity to find out what I enjoy and if I benefit by feeling healthier/stronger/better than score!

This is all about changing my mindset about how I view food and exercise. This is about me setting my goals and working day by day, step by step, calorie by calorie to achieve success.

I used to view diet as this big ordeal that I must overhaul my entire life if I was to be successful. And to a certain amount, that is true. But, it is a greater ordeal to be overweight. It is an ordeal to deal with the related complications of being overweight. So either way, it's just a matter of choosing which ordeal I want to endure.

I think the choice is easy when I put it that way, so buh-bye fat Dani. I can't say it was a pleasure knowing you, but I learned a lot from you all the same.