13 May 2010
Our God is An Awesome God.
After I was laid off from work, I started suffering from a spiritual dry spell. It's not entirely uncommon for someone after the first year to suffer one. And although I've had mini-spells in the past, that was nothing compared to the dullness in my heart of the last two months. From someone who is newly baptized (2009), who loves the Catholic faith with all her heart, this particular dry spell was painful.
Painful is an understatement. This spell tore at my heart. Nothing is worse than going through the motions of being a Catholic when the faith has given you unmeasurable gifts. What do you do when God, through his disciples, is giving you all these gifts on an open platter, and all you want to do is curl up and cry?
The answer of course is to keep going. And keep praying. It seems counter intuitive, but going through the motions is just what I needed to do. Even if it seemed empty. Even if it felt like my prayers were half baked or not being answered at all.
Because one day you go and it hits you like a ton of bricks. One day, you go and someone says something that switches the light bulb on. It's like all that misery get's swept away and the Holy Spirit fills your heart so hard, you almost fall over.
Last night was that night for me. I am blessed to live in an Archdiocese that really makes an effort to reach out to everyone for their every need. We have an Archbishop (click to read his blog) who has this amazing ability to take something so complex, simplify it, and then repose the issue into other aspects of your life that you never considered before. And my church in particular has so many wonderful priests that can make a homily apply no matter what your situation is.
Last night I got to experience something new. There was an all night prayer vigil for the sanctity of life, and the Young Adult group put on a prayer session for two hours that BLEW MY MIND AWAY. The music, although familiar from the radio, was unlike anything I have ever heard sing at a Catholic Church. It was upbeat, contemporary, inspiring. The whole service, especially the Archbishops' homilies made an issue that I have long since struggled with make sense. It takes a while sometimes to change your mind on something. But there was not one thing said last night that didn't make complete sense.
I left feeling a whole new person, with a new purpose and new sense of being. And in the moment of reflection when I got home, I realized that this was God acting when you need him the most. This was God at his absolute best - answering prayers and guiding his flock. And I am so thankful that two years ago, I said yes. Because the gifts of faith just keep on giving.
Our God is truly an awesome God.