While sitting here looking at diet blogs today, I realized something.
I don't remember what it is like to be skinny.
I know that I was skinny. I remember buying and wearing clothes not as big as a tent. But I don't actually remember the physical act of being skinny. The feel of being skinny.
Like I don't remember what my sholder bones felt like, or having skinny arms that didn't jiggle. I don't remember what it felt like to not have my thighs touch. I don't remember what it feels like to have skinny ankles and defined calves, and bums that curve under...not just meshing with your thighs. I don't remember what if feels like to have defined abs and not just a paunch that spills over your pelvic area. I don't remember what it felt like to sit in a booth without breathing in, or being able to fall into a seat and have room to put a jacket between your thighs and the arm rests. I don't remember what it feels like to sit cross legged. I don't remember what it feels like to be able to curl up and put your feet on something close by.
Was I ever skinny or was that time in my life a mirage? And more importantly, will I ever get to that point again?
Sigh.
6 comments:
I totally know what you mean. I've never actually been skinny per se, but I vaguely remember what it was like to just pick up a pair of pants off the rack and have them fit perfectly.
Sigh... I miss feeling pretty, you know?
We will get there again, though.... we didn't gain the weight overnight, so we're not going to lose it overnight, unfortunately.
You and I are in for the long haul.
And stop! Joanna, while I agree with you completely, I have to say that "thin" does not always equal pretty.
Listen, I may look thin by most people's standards but I haven't seen my abs since one week in the summer of 2004, I saw them. And then they went away never to return. But I try to remember that I am (and you are too) always pretty, just in a shape we may not like. But we'll get there.
And if we don't (cue thunderclap!) it'll be OK as long as we're as healthy as possible (p.s. I hope it's OK that I totally included myself...)
Of course it's okay to include yourself in this, Junior! (We welcome it!)
And you're right.... we are our own worst enemies some times, which makes it easy to get down on ourselves. But the goal, as you stated, should be to become healthy... knowing full well that this doesn't necesarily equate to being what society sometimes deems as skinny perfection.
The hardest part about weight issues in general is that we are never really satisifed. When I was at my "ideal weight range" according to every chart in the land, I was not happy and I thought I was fat then. Then I got fat. Blah.
But you are right Junior. It's about being helathy and happy!
Thanks guys! But know that just because I typed it, doesn't mean I don't think the same things you do too! Trust me!
To a certain extent, I think a lot of women go through this.
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