Hi all. It is Miss Inconsistent here to share her thoughts. I'm sorry I don't blog often. I wish I did. I wish I blogged everyday. There really is nothing to stop me from doing so but myself.
I think the problem I have in blogging is the same thing I have in life, which nets the same results.
I get so wrapped up in the big things, that I forget to take time to embrace and live in the little things. Here are a few examples:
- Church: I get so wrapped up in my various obligations, that I forgot to take time to just simply sit, listen and pray.
- Work: I get so wrapped up in the big issues that I fail to see how the little issues are the ones that are chipping away at me. Further, I get so wrapped up in trying to succeed in the big projects, that I fail to take proper credit for the little ones.
- Family: I get caught up in the big life events as that compel us forward that I fail to be thankful for the joy of the everyday little things that my family does like watch reality t.v. together, which also moves us forward in joy.
- Friends: I share in the joy of my friends big events and focus on the awesome one time things they do for me, that I fail to truly show my appreciation for the little things they do. Like lend an ear. Or their heart. Or their time and talents.
- Well Being: I get so focused in this all or nothing approach to diet and exercise that I don't do the small things that will bring permanent change.
- Relationships: I seek an all consuming love that I don't focus on the other aspects that I want, like humour, trust, an ability to be there truly for me.
This leads to blogging. I sometimes get it into my head that I have to have a theme. That I have to have some sort of message. That if there is a topic that comes to my head, I have to post until the topic is exhausted.
When I look back at my posts, I loved the early ones. They were full of humour and joy. They were full of random thoughts. They were full of the honest to God things I think of every day. Not the convoluted themes that have seemingly emerged since. Did I honestly thing that I could write a full month on military tribute? Did I truly believe that I could offer a weeks full of advice on relationships?
It's not that I can't offer an opinion. But I must be able to blog what is in my head at the moment I think it. I need my blog to be the free spirit I wish to be.
I realized last week that the reason why I was unhappy is not because of the "larger forces" out there beyond my control (work, people, events). It was because of something so little: I lacked confidence in myself. I lacked confidence in my ability to just be me within the larger picture. Me, so small in this world.
But the world is made up of little things. It is the filler. It is the essence of life. It is the movement forward. Big events....big moments...they are just the curves in the world that move the small cars forward from one end to the other. In between the corners are the trees, houses, people. All so little, but without we cannot fully appreciate the anticipation that a curve will bring without knowing that it will surely bring something indeed.
So I will blog more. And I will blog often. I will blog what comes into my mind. Randomly. And with the true pleasure that I am giving homage to the little things that make me live a large life. It's the little things in life that truly give me pleasure and truly teaches me lessons about myself.
P.S. So why did I post the picture I did? Well someone told me I look like Renee Zelwigger. And I think to myself that I am much like Bridget Jones (a character she played). Deeply flawed, floating through life, making mistake after mistake, with the heart full of good intentions. I posted the picture because it represents the little things about me. My insecurities. My shames. My indulgences. My quirkiness. My love of sleeping in with a warm blanket and pj's.
After all..it's the little things that make me truly happy.