Every once in a while, I wake up and I don't want to go to church. I don't want to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I don't want to learn this great moral lesson taught by Jesus to the sinners. I don't want to hear yet another letter of Paul (to the Corintians, Ephesians, his mom).
All I want to do is sleep in, watch tv, read a book and be left alone (see Saturday's blog).
This morning was that day. I of course had to go becuase of my RCIA class and it was the second scrutiny. But I dragged my ass, barely paid attention to the service, blanked out during the homily. Ask me what was said and I got nothing. I think something about Sight? I dunno. All I know is that I was there in body, but my spirit was sitting on the couch, eating Roasted Marshmallow Ice cream watching Nascar.
So it's only appropriate then that today's lesson was about the Saints. The people who were so awesome and devoted on earth that they get the red phone line to God. The rest of us have to dial 1-800-CALL-GOD & listen to the operator.
Sample Phone call: The person you are trying to reach is currently occupied. Please listen to the following choices:
*To confess your sins, press 1
*To give a plenary indulgence, press 2
*To listen to the rosary, press 3
*To offer an intention for your dead cat in purgatory, press 4
Otherwise hold the line and your call will be redirected to a Saint, or answered by an wrathful Angel.
As I was semi-listening to the lecture on the saints, wishing I was at home it occured to me:
I am becoming a Catholic. Not a Saint.
I'm not perfect. So I will occasionally take the Lord's name in vain. I will not always honour my mom or neighbours. Sometimes, both will just piss me off. Someday's I won't want to go to church and other days where I my as well not have gone for the amount of time I paid attention while I was there. I'm going to have bad days and not turn to God/Jesus for help. Heck, I'll have days where I question them all together.
I am a work in progress, and my journey is much the same. I can't be the perfect Catholic or person. I will work on it. But when anyone says "but you are a Catholic", I will always be able to reply "but I'm not a Saint".
2 comments:
I love it! I, too, am a Catholic but not a Saint. Far from it, lol.
But thankfully our God is not a vengeful one. He allows for free thought, and He expects us to make mistakes... provided we learn from them. Life is a test, am I right? Can't be perfect at it on our first go-round.
Having said that, I applaud you for still being present in church today even though your mind was elsewhere.
I think of it kind of like going to the gym or working out. There are lots of times we aren't into it and we just go through the motions and don't necessarily get the full benefit out of it.
But if we stick to that routine and keep at it, eventually these things become permanent habits and like second nature to us. And we always feel better having done them, even if we didn't feel like it to begin with.
Uhhh.... notice how everything we talk about comes back to exercise-related things? We've come full circle.
Funny Dani, but true. I have had many a services like that. Where I sit and wonder...this is just not working for me today. Why am I here? Like yesterday, we took Little J to church. Basically, he was whiny and wiggly. It was like to trying to contain a tiger on your lap. Impossible! I was in and out of church, trying not to disturb anyone and I missed three-quaters of the Mass. I barely made it down the Communion line before the end of the Hymn. Why, I ask myself, do we do this to ourselves?
I guess, like Jo said, to make good habits. Our God is an understanding God indeed. He did give us Free Will (is that the same as Free Thought, I am not sure...) but He has also given us lessons and guideline in hopes that we will one day strive to better ourselves for our own self, others around us, and, ultimately, Eternal Life with Him. I think He accepts our faults and falls, of course, only if we commit to try harder. So, true, I am Catholic - not a Saint....yet! :)
PS...perhaps #2 on the phone list should read "gain a plenary indulgence"....as we can't give them!
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